Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Boards Update: Toiling and Toiling

Hey Guys!
       I'm broadcasting from the BFA lab where I've just spoken with Michelle, Frankie and Nissa who all gave me great advice for our boards.
        So today I wrestled with what to change and what not to change in staging and story beats and after a frightening few hours in which I changed almost everything, my conscience and fellow lovely group members brought me back down to Earth.
        The consensus is that the beginning (Debra and her make up) and the door at the end are the main staging issues that need major changing. You can see my revised staging for Deb's make up screen below.

The Following suggestions were made:

- Instead of having Deb flip through several different faces, have her pick one face and fiddle with controls to modify it (eyebrows, lips etc) before deciding ultimately to get rid of the whole face.
- Have a shot between the new establishing shot (below) and the shot through the back of the holo-screen for clarity that Deb is sitting down to do her make up.
- Keep Jess's introduction a full body shot instead of changing it to her hiding and popping up.
- In the "Let me do your lips" frame, Make Jess shorter so that just her chin and hands reach above the console.
- Exaggerate Deb's monkey face more so that it really looks crazy and monkey-like
- In the "Jessica get our of my room!" shot, Jess should still be next to Deb at the console. This could be an upshot from behind Jessica as she looks up at her looming sister.
- Show Jess turn to leave
- Milk the emotion of Jess being neglected, have her turn back once toward her sister, give her a tear(s).
- Perhaps instead of Jess climbing up onto the console, she uses Deb's stool (which we'd have to establish in the first couple shots) which has an elevating function, to rise up to the screen sort of Darth Vader style.
- Having Jess pop through the hologram screen and make fun of Deb is hilarious, but ultimately it would lengthen things and would work better in a longer film.

Please let us know if you agree/disagree with any of this. I'm sorry I don't have more boards to show at this time, but it took some exploring in the wrong direction to realize what the right direction was. I'll be updating throughout the day tomorrow. Thanks guys.


  1. I really like the suggestions and the changes. Also I enjoy the change in focus of the first few shots of her putting her make up on to the last few shots. One thing is you might want to pull in closer to the screen and the person. Make it a bit more intimate. Maybe pull the bottom of the frame closer to her shoulders like a mid close up or close up but still show the technology. Also I like the shot of the little girl being shorter then the desk very cool. Nice work.

  2. I think these are great ideas. They clarify and establish and make each shot count. Also, chair adds more technology to play with, so yay!
    Good stuff! Keep it up!

  3. Great changes. I think it improves the story starting with an establishing shot of her full body. Once this story is about cosmetics, I feel we need to play with close up shots. This is moving along along nice.